To Do or Not To Do

There are times, when u need to make a decision. A decision that will change your life.
And there are times, when u have to leave the past as to open up to a new, different future.
There are also times, when u just have to forget about what u WANT to do to perform what u NEED to do.

These times are never planned. It happens when it happens.
Thats when u just have to be brave, step up to the stage and act as great as possible. 
"FAKE IT TILL U MAKE IT"

Act as if u're fine and well when u're not, smile when u want to frown and be the person u dont want to be.

But that takes a lot of effort and willpower. 
It also takes a whole lot of something that i'm not.

My passion is with english, the beautiful language that can express the feelings only shakespear has with just one word.
I love english like a child loves his blanket...
I can never let it go.

I know u may say Arabic is much more better and more beautiful than English, I know that too, I grew up in an islamic atmosphere! 
Since I was born, to pre-school, to middle school, to high school, I went to Islamic schools...
I love that language too, it is, too, beautiful, but I can never do it as a major... I'm not that strong, now... I learn it just so I can know the basics and also a part of its beauty... 
.......

Aside from English, all i have left is art.
As in, those cocky, schoolgirl art. 
But that, is too little of me. it may be a gift that i can use as a hobby...
Art has a lot to offer when i need a distraction. But that's just it.

I'm not an outstanding individual that has a wholesome lot of talents.
I'm just me, with my pencil and paper.
And trust me, without those two little things, i'm full of imaginations and distraction.
There's nothing i can boast about when u take away those things.
Even with them, i'm less than a person.

That's me.

U may say i'm just another girl who has a really low self esteem...
But hey, never jugde people like that. 
Because right now, i'm not like that.
I didn't say i was complaining about the disadvantages of being me.
I'm happy with myself as i am.
But i'm scared how i'm not enough. and i didn't mean not enough for others,
but for myself.

Without english, how ever can i express whatever it is in my mind, in my heart ?
I know some others will question this, "English is also an art!", u say ?
Yes, english is a part of art. The art of the language. 
Well if not, how ever did u think u could understand the complex inner turmoil of the forever legend, shakespear ?

That's why right now, i'm just as devastated as any of u would when u break up with the one u love, when u lose something precious to u, when u're mum gets mad at u for doing what u like, when.. when u can't be... urself...

Yes, this case of mine right here, is that bad. 

But that's all resolved now.
I found what I want now and I'm gonna take it, do it with all my heart and succeed in it...
I hope I'm doing what's right for me and this will also help me achieve my first, one and only goal.

To be a well-known English, Islamic writer and event holder :D

Wish me luck, will u?

Mcm family :)

For the last 5 hours since I woke up, today has been great.

Sye bangun awal, pegi cycling, bli breakfast for my brothas, then breakfast togedaahh, tgk drama sat, update2 blog...

Best la teww... sbb smua tu mmg my favourite things  to do :D

Tp u didn't know how bad I bbaldi-baldi hujan smlm :"(( 

Mesti mcm >>> 'asal wehh? kau ni asyik nangis je keje' 

Hey, tau x? Orang kate, 

 "The ones yg nangis byk adlh org yg lbih kuat, sbb esok pg, they wake up smiling :)"

Semalam, ttido kul 12 gitu, then something woke me at 4am. X tahu nk buat ape, I scrolled through my friends' blogs :)

belog puyie the great :D

http://puyieyuyie.blogspot.com/

belog enish !!

http://staythislittleandsimple.blogspot.com/

belog bee :)

http://biehabee.blogspot.com/

kesudahannye, sye yg merana bbaldi-baldi hahaha :D

bukan ape, bru je time tu I realized how Allah cares for me...

tau kenape?

Free2 je Dia bg pnjam ramai sgt manusia -yg sgt baik hati budinya, mulia niatnye- kat sye :")

yess I'm talking about my friends...

Sedih tau, sbb smlm bila bce, bru terfikir betape penyayangnye dorg towards their friends !!! Serious !!!

Ade yg comfort kan yg tgh sedih sbb x dpt upu... ade yg meluahkan rse syg kat kwn especially bg yg dah nk pegi smbung blaja...

masing2 risaukan kwn2...

Like they always say...

 "A true friend worries bout u like a mum, scolds u like a dad, cares for u like a sister, and pester u like a brother"

Mungkin x btul siket ayat tuh, tp u get what I mean. 

For some reason, sye ramai kwn2 yg mcm tu. 

Yg dok worry for me mcm eda, yg dok scolding2 tu, tayah ckp la, ramai je... hahaha yg caring tu, lg lah!! X ckup jari nk kira. Yg pester2? 

Fuhh syiok ni mention. NAD tu ha. Ahahaha.

But no doubt also, sye jge begitu... pester org smpai naik gila depa :D

Sorry la ea korg, u olls tau kan, I mmg mcm ni :P

Macam kwn2 sye ni, dorg dah jd mcm family :)

Sampai mama sye pun da knal da name korg, kan mama?

 "La, knape Nad x tmpang keta kite je?"

 "Yg dtg umah td tu amani kan? La, knape awal sgt blk?"

 "Pegi skola x ajak Syerri ke?"

 "Eda yg kite jmpe kat uitm tu kan?"

 "Anisah yg mak die mama kenal tu kan? Die pass x driving test?"

Hahaha isn't it much more fun that way? 

Mak kite pun bole anggap mcm anak sndiri dah :D

Ni nk ckp jugak...

Thank you lah sangadd2 to all my friends yg slalu caring kat belog2 depa psl kwn2 depa.. mungkin x nmpk mcm utk kite...

tp kite bole tau itu ditujukan utk kite... ehehehehe..
bukannye nk bangge tp terharu :")

Mse sye x dpt upu tu, xde lah nk sedih sgt.. bajet kuat je...

Hati mmg rse nk nangis, bile dah bce belog2 depa, fuhh mmg ttusuk jiwa.. bru lah mlepas stress tu, sbb time tu kite msti terfikir, 

'Die faham ape ak rse... die try pujuk kot belog die..'

Time tu menangis2 sedih AND happy sbb Allah bg ksmptn kat ak -yg mne I dont think am that a good friend- utk ade kwn2 mcm dorg tu...

Time tu yg high school memories sume dok flashing back mcm banjir dlm minda :"((

Time tu yg rse nk call je -x kire la 4 pagi ke hape- just to say thanks...

Yess, belog ni mmg emo... 

emo dari hati, ape salahnye? bukan nk mngadu, saje nk cite, kasi tau siket kat org yg bkaitan...

hampa baca dak ni? 

belog ni utk hampa la, nk ckp thanks ja...

sebab belog hmpa, whatssapp whatsswrong hmpa, msg2 hmpa, tweet2 hampa, smua dah tlng2 sye utk trus kuat...

Thank you Allah jgak sbb kasi kite opportunity utk bngun hari ni and tulis post bru utk belog ni khas utk hmpa2 :"))

Rindu tau sye kat anda2 smua...

Mmg lah boleh jmpe, boleh tweet mweet, boleh whatsapp whatswrong, bole express2 kot belog2... tp it's not the same, now is it?

untuk anda2 yg random je bce belog sye ni, appreciate lah kwn2 anda hari ni, jgn tunggu tomorrow or later or soon ke hape!

we'll never know when Allah akn tarik nikmat dpt kwn2 yg hebat mcm tu! 

Jgnlah malu2, malu x bwk ke mane pun..

Rasulullah sndiri tunjuk kasih syg kat shbt2 die :) 

apekan kite ni xnk tunjuk pulak...

ok? Assalamualaikum, peace out u oll !!!

I LOVE YOU ALL :"/

Assalamualaikum yaaww :D

Ehehehehe suke tak blog baru kite? 
Okay ni saye nak share siket belog kawan kite ni sbb die yg bg idea kat kite nk jugak sharing something utk yg da nak mneruskan pelajaran dorg :)

http://staythislittleandsimple.blogspot.com/

Kawan kite yang ni, sepecial siket :) 
kekiut je die, manis2 sket, mcm mini muffin, hahaha...

So ini yg nak cite siket...
Saye kan lepasan SPM, so tgh nak siap2 msk college la ni...
A few days ago, mse tengah kemas2 bilik, asing2 kan barang yg x payah bwk and yg perlu bwk, I found a few things yang asal usul die dari asrama kite kat taman melati tu... 

In an instant, something clenched my heart...

Sedih...
Bile fikir kite semua da besar dah...
da ade future masing2 and semua nak separate, going their own ways...
Mungkin x semua rse mcm tu, sbb ingt kot nnti bole jmpe lg bbile cuti...

But everybody knows, it won't be the same....

Selama ni, saye pun x berape nk sedih... 
tp, baru kelmarin saye pegi PD ngn my family, mak saye join reunion sekolah menengah die, jmpe kawan2 die, seronok bile tgk, tau!
Awal2 dtng je da meriah! 
Yang buat saye terharu sbenanye mse tu, mse tgh greet sume org, ramai antare diorg yg still ingt kat kwn2 lame diorg...

"eh!!! Jilut!!! Lame nye x jmpe! Ya Allah, same lah muke die dari dulu!!!"

Diorg siap ingt nme2 gelaran time dlu lg...
Jilut la, Bobo la, Neshy la, Ampui pun ade...

Hahahaha bunyi mcm kelakar, tp that's the fact...
It may seems like it's a simple thing, tp to those yg btul2 sygkan kwn2 die, mse jmpe blk lps lame x jmpe, there's this great feeling bile kwn kite still ingt muke kite! Apetah lg bile ingt nme2 mengarut tuh...

Mse diorg jmpe2, tegur2, sye duk tepi dok imagine ape rupe die kalau kite reunion nnti? Mesti seronok, kan?
Dok ketawe ingt mse dulu, introducing ahli2 family yg baru to each other, time2 mcm tu yg ditnggu2...

Silap2 nnti, ade yg jmpe blk pakwe lame, gelfren lame, tp tu lain cite... ahahaha mengarut je. I mean gossip2 la.
Kan uyie? 

Kite je da byk gossip aspuri, ni nak ingt yg lain...

But it's all in the memories...

Sambil2 saye dok belek2 kad birthday yg lame2, sticknotes and old pictures, rse sedih tu btambah2 dok tringt kawan2 yg da msk matrik, yg tgh amik STAM da nak abis nnti kne smbung jugak study, yg nak msk U minggu dpn, yg mmg dah ade kat U tu, studying...

Sedih, sedih...

Take care ok, kawan2? Ingat pesan cegu2, ustaz2, makcik kantin, sape2 lah yg slalu bg psnn yg berguna, silalah guna... 
Jaga diri, jaga bdn biar sihat2 always, jaga solat, jaga aurat, mkn elok2 -yg duk overseas nnti jugak- jaga kesihatan yg slalu sakit -dah xde dah ajk nk bwkkn ubat- jaga minda biar x corrupt, jagalah semua!!!

From your toes to your hairtips, JAGA!
 okay? 

Jangan lupa diri, jangan lupe darat, jangan lupe kawan, jangan lupe kat admin blog ni jugak :"( ahaha -perlu pulak-

Kite kawan kan? 
So make sure kite kawan ni, smpaila ke penghadapan Allah nnti, ea? 
Insya-Allah :D 

Kite kawanlah till we meet again in a few years, mse tulang2 da x sesemngt skrng, mse da bjaye ngn kerjaya anda semua, mse da ade baby2 nk tunjuk... kan rinee? Ahahaha :D xdelah...

Well, ini je yg saye bole offer sebagai tnde how much I love u guys and btape saye nk nye awak2 semua to take care our memories as well as you take care of your memories :") 

So, until we meet again, I bid farewell, Assalamualaikum :)

Hello?

Assalamualaikum !!!

So how's it goin' ? I hope you're day today is just as fine as mine :) 

After all the chit chat my friends did about how confused they were bout how many my blogs are and which one was the main one, I decided to make this one the official one.

First off, you might be wondering why the title is Am Jay. 

My penpals can't say my name right. AMAL. 
It'll sound weird, so they made up something new. 
Which is Am Jay. Am is from Amal.
Jay stands for the letter J. I like that letter, so to make it look cool, they changed it to 'Jay' rather than just 'J'.

Second of all, I'd like to tell you why I have so many blogs.
You might ask, 
'why don't you just write everything into 1 blog but just with lotsa posts?'

well, it's because I like writing. I like writing so much that I know just a single blog could hold so many posts. Also, it's because I myself don't like scrolling down till my finger snaps just to read so many blogs. 

I like to arrange them. Don't get me wrong, it's not OCD, it's just neater. 
Hahaha, sorry bout that. Bad joke.

Okay, so, third of all, I'd like to add that this blog may contain posts that are written in malay language, just like my friends requested.

Happy, now, guys? Kidding, haha :D


Till next time, ea?